interlacing fingers.

It's so weird, I'm so good at reading people when they interact with each other, but it's really hard for me to tell where I stand with someone. I just want to know what people think of me really think of me. I want to know what people are thinking and what they would think if they knew what I was thinking about them. Of course I would never say out loud half of the things that cross my mind.

And the way you act toward me just confuses me. Not even really that, but I don't understand why you play like that, it comes so far out of left field and it just messes with me, even though I KNOW you don't mean it like that (who would?), plus I'm too old I guess, but I'm just the type of person who just lets their imagination get the best of them and I don't think with my head, but with my heart. So please, dear, don't mess with me like that, because you're only going to mess me up.

I guess I'm just not used to getting attention, so when you show me even the slightest bit, I get carried away.

I guess we've always had a weird relationship anyway.

I guess I'll just stop thinking about it so it doesn't turn into a bigger deal than it really is.

More and more I feel like my size is what is holding me back in life. It plays a part in EVERYTHING, I swear. Even the littlest things. And even more so lately, since I've hit a plateau in my weight loss or whatever you want to call it. I was doing so well, then I just suddenly lost motivation and getting it back has been hell. I just need to suck it up and go to the gym every day. My excuses have gotten the best of me, but I just need to make time.

But I just wonder how different my life would have been if I hadn't been overweight my whole life. Like, the above situation would probably be completely different because I wouldn't have the idea engrained in my mind that I'm not good enough for anyone because of my size.

Some people say it's not your size that matters, but it's your confidence. That's a load. Seriously, people who say that are just trying to be politically correct.

I mean sure, my confidence is pretty much shot, but even if it wasn't I wouldn't be any more attractive or successful or whatever. It's all about the way you look. It's all about first impressions and public image.

And all I wanted was to buy your stupid tank top, but it only comes in sizes small and extra small.

I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL.

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something
I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish I was your favourite smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style
I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met
I wish you had a favorite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three.
I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.