boysboysboysboysboys

Telling people about something makes it seem so much more real. Like, you had these feelings before, but now that you've confided them in someone, they're more concrete.

And I don't think I need these feelings to be concrete. Because nothing will come from them. I know this because nothing ever does.

I want to be pursued, it's something that I've never experienced. Because I'm not likeable. I'm not the girl that guys go for. And that has been okay with me, it's HAD to be okay with me for the last 19 and-a-half years, but it's getting OLD.

And it's even worse when you know exactly who you want. And there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. Girls don't start relationships.

So I guess that's it. I guess I'll keep being super awkward around you because I don't know how to act around boys who I don't just want to be bros with. And I'll just keep trying not to like every single thing you post because it makes me feel super creepy. And I'll just keep wishing that I was younger or prettier or easier to talk to or whatever I would have to be to be the girl that you'd fall for.

I feel so stupid.