They say this language is dead, then why do we speak?

I can't stop listening to The Chariot. The lyrics on the new album just speak to me. Honestly, if it wasn't for this album right now, I'd probably have broken down crying on my way to work today.

I thought I completely ruined one of the handful of friendships that I honestly treasure, and it made me sick to my stomach because it would have been all my fault.

I'm not making excuses, all I ever wanted to do was to reach out to someone who was in pain. I wanted to be there for someone because no one is ever there for me. But of course, I let one sentence slip out that I should have kept to myself. I don't know why I wrote those words, I wasn't thinking. Maybe I was at a loss for something else to say. Less than a dozen careless words almost destroyed one of the only friendships that are keeping me sane right now.

I just want to help people but I just end up making things worse.

I am good for absolutely nothing.

We made up, and I pray that things aren't affected by my stupid mistake.

I came home and read her blog post from earlier, and I almost started crying. It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone, it was exactly the opposite.

Every good intention laid to waste.

But I would be angry with me, too. I just feel a pain in my chest that won't go away.

Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to make it in the real world. Falling outs with my friends feel like the end of the world. Reading negative words about myself chokes me up. I'm more sensitive than any person should be.

I can't seem to catch a break lately. Every day has been constant hurt and self loathing and anger. I don't know how much more of this I can handle. I'm on the brink of being physically ill from anxiety.

At least work was okay today. I worked with luke, and he sang to me a lot because it was super dead all afternoon, and we talked about how we were going to survive if there was a tornado and I think he's going to come to church next week.

The only "surrender" tonight, shall not be our own
They cannot escape, one if by land, two if by sea
I saved my money, but it can't save me
And maybe there is blood from the past, but that is not from me
They can take away one man, and they can take away his mic
But they cannot take us all
No, they can't dig a hole the right size to fit all of our dreams
They can't bury me, they can't bury me
We can't hope that somebody else take our place
No, we can't hope that somebody else take our place